The consequences, interrupted

The other day I watched "My Name is Earl" for the first time. From what I could tell from the show (and later, NBC's website), this guy is trying to get good karma for all the hurtful things he's done in his past.

What exactly he thinks he's going to accomplish, besides be funny, I have no idea. Good karma only makes you even - it doesn't get you ahead, because all you have to do is really screw up once, and all your good karma is flushed down the crapper. One of those "guaranteed not to clog" types. I don't really understand what anyone is trying to reach towards with good karma. It seems to me that good karma is only the thing that is against bad karma, and not an end in itself.

I'm glad I'm not forced to live under the rule of karma. Karma means that the consequences of my bad actions must be made right by me. But even if I work to undo the wrong of my bad actions, the poisonous seed has been planted. The toxic fruit is inevitable. And no matter how I try to do other things to undo the wrong, that poison tree still exists - waiting undo all my good deeds. I can never get out from underneath the pressure of my bad karma. The consequences always follow me into the future, demanding their toll, making the future into purgatory.

What I need is something to interrupt the consequences. Something to free me to begin again. What I need is a new rule to guide my path - one that gets me somewhere, and that isn't me fighting bad, but instead being good.

What I need is grace. Grace interrupts the consequences. Grace allows me to begin anew. Grace allows my past to be formative, but also calls me to be like it, like the grace-giver. Grace allows me to love because I'm not stuck hating and acting out against my past.

So time and again when I sit down to blog, and ask myself what I have to write about, my message always comes back to love. It comes back to grace that calls me into the future and allows me to break free of self-loathing and actually love. Love is the message I'm driving home.

"My song is love, is love unknown, and I've got to get that message home."